Sunday, December 9, 2012
THE RED LIGHT DISTRICTS are WORLD CHAMPS
Hello again everybody, This is I.B.Lyon reporting for WHIF News. The Cincinatti Red Light Districts won the 20th Wrigleyville World Series by beating the AL Champion Fargo Prairie Dogs. Jeff2106, the owner of the Red Light Districts has built a very good team that will be in the thick of it, for many years to come. The Red Light Districts reaped the benifits of a great pitching staff in this years playoff run. Chris James went 5-0 with a ERA of 0.53 and closer Joseph Hyun (0.00ERA) slammed the door on his opponents with 4 out of 4 saves and a win. J.P. Mendez had a great post-season at the plate with a .297 BA and 14 RBI's.
But the Star of Cincy has to be Jeff2106 who thru his trading abilities built this team into a World Series Winner. I traveled to Jeffs offseason vacation home in the Persian Gulf Country of the United Arab Emanates. This little country was all a buzz with the talk of Jeff and his success in Wrigleyville. Everywhere you looked there where Cincinatti Red Light District banners right next to the U.A.E National Flag. My Taxi pulled up to the doors of the Grand Pubah Palace and I was met by the Ruler of U.A.E. His most Royal Supreme Burrito... King Hoose Bin Fartin.
"Welcome ,Welcome to my windy little country friend" said the King as several palace guards tooted their horns."Come with me and I will take you to your friend . He is celebrating in my palace dining room with his glorious team." He waved his arm as to guide which direction I should proceed. Then we made our way thru the palace corridors while we talked. The King said" Did you know that my company Bin Fartin Natural Gas is the largest supplier of Natural gas to Asia.?" I replied that I was naive when it came to Gas. He retorted " I take the manufacture of natural gas very seriously. Thats why I backed Jeff in his bid to buy the Cincinatti franchise. The Consumption of Beer,Nachos and Cased Meats are a prime source of Natural Gas" I nodded in agreement, knowing that many a Barking Spider could be heard at a baseball game.Finally he touted "Remember our company motto--We bust our ass to bring your Gas--".
Just then we entered a large roomed filled with many gasious delicacies. And there at the main table was Jeff who had a fork in each hand, tearing at a carcass of something fried. He wiped the grease from his right hand and we shook as he gulped what was still in his mouth. Jeff was all smiles from ear to ear and said. "Thanks for traveling so far from home I.B. Can I call you I.B??" I nodded yes and said "That would be fine. Can I call you Champ?? We laughed and I asked him. "Jeff...uh...Champ , the owners in Wrigleyville have noticed that you are very active in the trading of players. What is your secret to trading for players that seem to play well for your team?" He wiped his mouth,smiled like the cat that ate the canary.Which I think was what he was eating, literally, and said. "I learned my skills for his Most Excellent Emanate, the King . I noticed how his Arabian Horses were the best in all the lands. So I watched him one day selecting steeds at a horse auction. He inspected the horses gums and teeth to see if the horse is healthy . And that is what I do now. Before I trade for a player I check to make sure he has healthy gums and teeth. So far It's Worked better than I could have imagined!!" I nodded in agreement and said " Every owner I've talked to has nothing but nice things to say about you and your team. It's been a pleasure to talk with you and Congratulations Jeff2106." He thanked me and was hoisted upon the shoulders of his players.Then we moved to the Harem Room where we all did the Red Light District proud......All night.
As you can see Wrigleyville. Jeff2106 trades hard and plays hard. When you meet his teams in the post-season, you better bring it or go home. Congratulations to Jeff and his Cincinatti Red Light Districts on a Glorious season. Note to my readers: When traveling to Cincy our U.A.E..... Bring Viagra, lots and lots of Viagra.