Wednesday, December 11, 2013


Even Black Bears have hangovers.

By: I. B Lyon
staff writer(Mad News Corp) 

It came down to a butt puckering seventh game in the World Series. The Black Bears trotted out Damaso Gonzalez to pitch in the rubber match. The Bruins sent out Freddie Long who was 87% on short rest. Jackson made New Britain pay for that decision and tagged Freddie "Be" Long with 4 runs in the first inning. Thats all Olemiss's dominate pitching staff needed. They won the game 4-1 to win their first World Series.
   The Black Bears players mobbed each other while the fans stormed the field. There were no goal posts to pull down but they did pull down Olemiss's slacks and exposed his Hello Kitty boxer shorts. It was total bedlam, with Liberal Democrats hugging Tea Party Republicans and Sordie was seen giving Mark a back tap bro hug. These sights may never be seen again in our world, let alone in the deep south.
   After a Sparkling Wine celebration in the Jackson locker room I caught up to the owner of the Black Bears, Olemiss33. We shook hands and he motioned me to his office .After pouring bourbon in 2 jelly jars he handed me mine and with our jars held high he said. " She offered her honor and I honored her offer. All night long it was off her and on her." We clanked the jars and drank em down. He poured 2 more, and sat down behind a very large wooden desk with papers stacked high on both sides . I positioned my chair as to see between the stacks and asked my first question of Olemiss. What did you think of your teams regular season? He took a sip and replied. "I thought we finished about what was I thinking. I had us pegged for 103 wins, and we won 105. We were able to add some important pieces in-season, but it cost us some really good prospects." I nodded . Walt Henry and Gerald O'Neil were great pick-ups for the regular season run . Which player(s) in your opinion was instrumental in your playoff run to the championship?  I grabbed the bottle and re-filled our glasses while Olemiss replied. "Without a doubt, it was Justin Brantley. He hit .377 with 20 or so RBI's. Can't leave out Walt Henry, though. He went 3-1 with a 1.11 ERA in the postseason. We wouldn't have been where we were in the postseason without those two."
  Just then two beautiful brunettes came in and started running their fingers through Olemiss's thinning hair,  I hurried my next question so not to be too distracted. In the Blog preview you wrote . "However, the prize pickup for the Black Bears was a trade made to acquire 3 time AS Jumbo MacFarlane ." How did he do for the Black Bears.? Olemiss removed his face from between 2 breasts and said. "Well, he missed half the season with an injury. When healthy, he was dynamite with a 9-4 record and 2.34 ERA. HE didn't pitch much in the playoffs, because quite frankly, he wasn't one of my top 3 SP's." Yes sometimes it's hit and miss with off-season signings. What do you think of next years chances of a re-peat?  Olemiss answered while  pouring bourbon in the navel of one of the beauties and lapping it it up feverishly. "Well, we return basically everyone, so I would like to think (slurp) barring a lot of injuries, we should be one of the favorites. Our entire rotation (Slurp,Smack) and bullpen return from a team that led the league in pitching by over .3 of a point. We had some guys that should be much better offensively than they were this year. I would be floored (Slurp) if we don't hit .25 points higher as a team next year ."
   I can see that my time is running short, so one last question for the WHIF readers. Would you like to say anything else to the Black Bear fans and team owners?  With his hair in disarray and a lipstick covered face, he touted. "Thanks for the support. We built a winner over years, as this place was a disaster when we took it over. It took two years just to get rid of terrible contracts, but after that, we built this team while still be somewhat competitive at the ML level. We never tanked a season to get higher picks. Season 17-18 we still had terrible contracts, but once those were gone, we fielded a competitive ML team, even spending very little on salary." With that the clothes started to fly and I headed for the door when the Hello Kitty boxers flew by.
   Well readers it looks like the Black Bears are gonna be a force to rekon with for many years. Olemiss is a savy owner with a passion for baseball, and he is a asset to the league. Hello Kitty my foot. Hello Black Bears Dynasty!!

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