Editors Note: Below is the first installment of my attempt to get to the bottom of the alleged Alias Conspiracy in Wrigleyville. I put my best man on the case , I. B. Lyon. I know I could have released this story in one part, but in the spirit of Charles Dickens. I need to increase readership or we may close up shop. Thanks MAD.
BY: I.B.LYON
(WHIF-Cincinatti) After Madmuldoon asked me to dig into the shennanigans of the Sandberg/Groger conspiracy. I decided to make my way to the only place I could obtain information. Thats right kiddos....WIS headquarters in beautiful Cincinatti ,Ohio.
After some surveilance of WIS from the bar across the street. I concluded that I would need to recruit some help to gain access to the Citadel of Cyber-Space. So I did what any crack investigative reporter would do. I went to my friend in the Red Light district for help, Jeff2106. I found him at "Gertrudes Slap and Tickle Emporium" deep in the bowels of the Red Light district. He was engaged in a muff diving competition and completed a very nice double summy with a triple twist. After recieving scores of 9.5, 8.9, 9.9 and 9.1 he was assured of a podium finish. I was able to get some advice between dives and Jeff told me there was a myriad of ruffians and scoundrels in the audience who for the right price or a blow job would help me in my endevour.
I thanked him for the sage wisdom and let him go to complete his final dive. Now people, madmuldoon doesn't pay me shit so I had very little money to offer the thieves and miscreants. So I did what any middle aged man of limited means would do. I re-married my ex-wife and when my back was turned she blew every swinging dick in the place. After the honey-moon was over I was able to recruit 4 of the most notorius of thieves the world has ever seen. The Hamburgler, 2 of the Frito Banditos and the CEO of Lehman Brothers.
(To be Continued)
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