Sunday, April 28, 2013



  So now I had my merry bunch of thieves and we put our heads together and devised a plan. It was a three-prong attack on the WIS defenses. At high noon the Frito Banditos would faint a attack on the main gate then retreat while dropping hot pockets and playboys. This would distract the security forces of What if Sports in munching and heavy petting. At 12:05 the Lehman Bros CEO would parachute behind enemy lines in his Golden Parachute and the Hamburgler and I would scale the back wall and make our way to the main building.
  But Alas.... Things went terribly wrong from the start. The Frito Banditos took a Siesta and never distracted the guards and the Lehman Bros executive was captured right away. With the potential loss of his Golden Parachute he gave up the plan and the Hamburgler and I were captured and taken to the dungeon underneath the Citadel.
  I knew what would come next...torture and interogation.The Hamburgler wilted like the lettuce on a Big Mac and told what he knew for a happy meal. But I was like a rock, and endured intense whiskey boarding and frequent strip searches. Little did they know I was used to this treatment from my Ex/Current wife. The fools at WIS even went as far as to threaten me with " We have your wife so if you want to see her again you give us what we want". I told them that everyone in Cincinatti has had my wife and now that were re-married she will show up at paydays. God and the forces of nature couldn't stop this from happening.
  They left me alone after that, and when I sobered up from the Whiskey Boarding, I was able to take stock of my situation. My cell was very small with walls of bricks on three sides and bars on the other. There was a small tattered cot in the corner a metal toilet was hooked to the wall. I stuck my face between the bars and viewed a long hallway with a drab green floor. There was about five cells on each side with a steel door at the end of the hall. Just then a voice rang out from the cell opposite of mine. " Hello I.B........It's me Sandberg".

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