Friday, June 4, 2010


An Old English scribbler named Will Shakespeare once lamented the ongoing assault of "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." But in the world of the outrageously fortunate Moonbat rightfielder Al Gomez, the slings and arrows have been quivered and he's shot with a steady stream of multi-colored rainbow beams, butterfly dreams, and visions of fluffy bunnies. He wakes each day without enough fingers to count his blessings, gazes outside to find nubile young vixens pressing their naked tits against his bedroom window, and wears only the finest Bruce Dickinson label designer gold-plated diapers.

The man is lucky.

Projected by all, including Moonbat GM sordie, as little more than a mediocre career minor leaguer, Gomez now finds himself the starting rightfielder for a World Series champion, the defending AL Rookie of the Year, the holder of a .324 lifetime ML batting average, and in possession of a nifty new World Series champ ring earned through some late fall heroics against a seemingly unstoppable Kickapoo juggernaut. This from an unsung 2nd round draft pick who toiled in minor league obscurity until able to bolt as a six-year free agent where he was promptly ignored -- skills declining -- until the Moonbats signed him on the cheap as a live body to rest the starters after Season 9 roster expansion.

But he made the most of that opportunity, batting .375 in limited action with an impressive .432 OBP.

This was sufficient to earn him a position on the season-ending 40 man list where the Moonbats, though expecting nothing special, figured he could hold down an ML roster spot at the start of Season 10 until it was time call up some young phenoms from AAA.

But Gomez had greater plans. Gomez's hot performance earned young slugging Lorenzo Torres a demotion instead, and, when all was said and done, the 'Bats found it virtually impossible to keep Al out of the lineup. Consistent and reliable, Gomez ended the season with 19 dingers, 76 RBIs, and a rate line of .319/.363/.543 to accompany his 14 stolen bases and error-free performance in RF (though he did screw the pooch live on national television when playing out of position at 3B).

This walking, talking, Hispanic anomaly begs the question: Is this the ultimate statistical outlier of a sustained streak of beating the odds, or are big league scouts a pack of drooling, raving idiots who couldn't assess talent if it crawled up their pantlegs and bit them in the ass?

Perhaps next season will answer that question. Moonbat sources confirm that they believe this 30 year old rookie significantly overperformed, and will again enter Season 11 as an unappreciated underdog clawing not merely for his starting position, but for a spot on the big league club.

Gomez doesn't care though. He just shows up to play, and he plays to win; critics be damned.

Al Gomez
Barking Moonbats
Age: 30B/T: R/R
Born: Vinita, OK
Position(s): 3B/1B/2B/COF/DH
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